#SOL22 Weight of the world Day 21 of 31

3/21/2022

One of my closest friends and I talk everyday over Voxer about our weight. We talk about how our eating is going, our successes and the hard days. My friend has lost over 100 pounds and deeply understands all the things I've always felt about body image, self-worth, and going for your goals. We've both been at lower weights than we are now and we are working towards slimmer and fitter bodies.

My friend's daughter is the same age as Megan. While Megan is very slim and petite in height, my friend's daughter feels uncomfortable about her size. The doctor suggested a nutrition plan that really limits carbohydrates for most of the day. Sugar would of course be limited too.

What is a mom to do?

I think back to when I was around that age and everyone was trying to police my food (or so it felt). I remember going to the diner with my grandparents and being encouraged to get the diet platter, which was a burger with the bun and cottage cheese. It makes me want to weep now just thinking about it (it's the only unpleasant memory I have of my grandparents). I remember getting Alba low calorie shakes while my sister was given rich and creamy Carnation Instant Breakfast shakes. I remember my cookies being rationed out. I remember being taken to diet programs. Everyone's heart was in the right place. I needed to lose weight. I couldn't fit into clothes like my friends could- I needed the "pretty plus" jeans which felt anything but pretty. But all of the efforts to make me lose weight made me feel deeply ashamed.

If you have a child who needs to lose weight how do you help him/her without the shame and feelings of restriction? To lose weight, some foods do have to be restricted. It's just the way it is. But how do you help a child both lose weight and not feel shamed and restricted?

My kids don't really have my genetics. They definitely don't have my weight struggles. But I feel so much for my friend whose daughter is in this situation. She wants her to be happy, healthy and confident and weight really does play a role.

Have you ever had to help a child lose weight? Any strategies?

6 Comments

Debra Schneider

3/21/2022 02:18:47 pm

Full disclosure: I am a school librarian, a feminist, and had an eating disorder through middle school and high school and into college.

I would find some books on feminism and body image. I would guess that you and I, in our generation(s), have different ideas about body image (and ones that might contribute INADVERTENTLY to unhealthy eating and damaging expectations). What we all need (including our children and other younger generations) is support to love our bodies. I love the Girl Scouts and this is their info: https://www.girlscouts.org/en/raising-girls/happy-and-healthy/happy/body-shaming-girls.html

All that pain and all those memories you have around food; that really hit home to me, too, I know you don't want to pass those on to the next generation. Some frank talking, anti-body shaming, anti-fat phobia books may help give you the guidance you seek.

If I have overstepped, I apologize. I really appreciate your sharing this vulnerable topic with us.

Kathleen

3/21/2022 04:36:25 pm

Hi Debra! Thanks for your comment. You didn't overstep at all. It's a tricky issue. My friend and I have talked about body acceptance and she reassures her daughter all the time that she is worthy of all good things and love. But it is hard in this society to carry extra weight and my friend is way happier 100 pounds thinner than she was 100 pounds heavier. She wants her daughter to feel her best. It's not easy navigating it!

Dawn Sherriff

3/21/2022 04:38:52 pm

I have no suggestions or tips. All I can offer is prayers of love and confidence!

Alice link

3/21/2022 05:21:45 pm

I struggled with this in elementary and middle school. I've always struggled with my weight and I even went so far as to losing a lot of it in an unhealthy way before I got to high school. Then kids teased me, claiming I had gone to "fat camp" over the summer. Back then, that's how they said it, no filter. I don't have advice as a parent, but finding ways to spend time and get active together might help.

Starfish by Lisa Fipps deals with the topic from the child's perspective. I'm not sure how old your friend's daughter is, but it's a great middle grade read about the subject. Maybe it would be best for the parent to read it first and then decide if it would be helpful, but certainly tread lightly. It sheds light on the mother-daughter relationship and the importance of parents affirming a youngster's best qualities without focusing on physical appearance. While it's a work of fiction, the author speaks about her experience with the topic.

I wish I would've had this book when I was a kid, but then again, it might have made matters worse had I read it at that time or if my parents pushed it on me.

Larkin Meehan link

3/21/2022 06:02:09 pm

Kathleen, thanks for writing about and sharing such a tricky topic of conversation. I hope that your friend's daughter is able to get to a point of feeling worthy because I'm sure she is! And it's so not fair for her to feel otherwise because of factors that can be out of her control.

Brian Rozinsky

3/21/2022 06:45:13 pm

Bravo for the vulnerable and honest sharing, Kathleen. As for me, I am ill-equipped to share opinions or experiences about these topics. The only thought that occurred to me, as it does in most scenarios that involve trying to support young people, is: Figure out what to do *with* the child, rather than doing things *to* them or *for* them. In hindsight, that might've been where your grandparents slightly miscalculated way back when.

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