I'm kind of out of practice with my writing. I've missed a lot of Tuesdays. Elizabeth Benton (Primal Potential) would say- no drama, no focus on what was- today is Tuesday and you can write today. So here I am, but I'm not sure what to say.
I could tell you that yesterday my nephew (and godson) turned 13 years old-a big milestone in a person's life. I remember the day he was born and the rush of love, holding that cozy, chubby bald bundle in Lenox Hill Hospital. I could tell you he was the result of many months of injections and procedures and a lot of faith on my sister and her husband's part. I could tell you he is their one and only child and he is an amazing youhg man. Funny, sporty, handsome, easy-going, and confident. I could tell you that my sister has 3 more radiation treatments to go in her active treatment phase for breast cancer. That on her son's birthday, they couldn't go out (went out the night before) because she needed to go to radiation. And I think back to 13 years ago, when she was in the hospital with her new baby, could she have predicted where she would be 13 years in the future? Life is so strange like that. She will ring the bell on Thursday night and move into the longterm phase of keeping the devil that is cancer away. I could tell you that yesterday I told my class that I wasn't going to make it to June like this. I really did. It was a very hard day on top of many days where nobody is listening to me. One of my sweet students who is still working on English said that very thing to me as the class stood talking in the hall, ignoring me, days ago. She looked at me sadly and said, "Nobody is listening to you." She was right. It's time to pull out new tricks. I've got to regain control of a group with many big personalities, some children who haven't been around other kids for a very long time (remote learning last year) and a great deal for us to learn. So to the drawing board I go. I could tell you that my daughter Megan sang at a tree lightling last night with her theater group and she was funny and expressive and adorable. I could tell you that I suspect my son Alex does not believe in Santa or our elves anymore but he hasn't told me that. I wonder why. When I found out there was no actual Santa Claus, I had to talk to my mother about it and get her confirmation of that fact. I remember being so sad. I wonder why he wouldn't talk to me about it. He's 11 and likely doesn't believe. I'm glad he hasn't ruined it for his sister, who I think might be starting to have her doubts. If you have kids who still believe, it really is a precioius and magical time that goes too fast. I could tell you that I look forward to seeing my little fuzzy brown puppy every day. When he comes down the stairs sleepy in the morning, his curly ear flipped over, I love to hug him and touch his soft fur. I could tell you that having a dog is one of the greatest joys I've known and I had to wait until I was 41 to know it. I would tell you it's ironic or something that a dog caused years of grief and hurt and pain (my son was attacked by a dog in first grade and there are ongoing medical procedures still) anda dog has also restored joy and fun and love to my family in ways I never expected. So, I guess once I got started, there really was some writing to write today.
10 Comments
12/7/2021 03:32:10 am
I love this format! Thank you for all the stories today.
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Erika Victor
12/7/2021 04:10:55 am
Sending you love and strength! It is time for a break!
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12/7/2021 04:19:28 am
I could tell you that your writing is shining today with all the things, the real and joyful things, your life and you.
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12/7/2021 04:38:47 am
The emotional and physical toll of dealing with illness, celebrating amidst memories, and teaching prior to a much needed vacation are all taxing on your body and energy to write..
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Joanne C Toft
12/7/2021 07:05:51 am
Oh so much going on. so much emotion to handle. Thanks for writing. Do take a minute or to to breath, to hug your family and that lovely little puppy. Life is hard but also wonderful!
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You have lots AND LOTS to say, Kathleen. But you also have so muc going on at such a busy time of year.
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12/7/2021 02:57:24 pm
Kathleen...I am so full of emotions after reading your post. The joy of celebrating your nephew-godson's life. The ongoing battle for your sister's. So much light and shadow in life. The kids not listening, the frustration, the exhaustion. This is year takes a greater toll than last in many ways. Residual effects. But true to the name of your blog ... courage rises to the surface! As does your resolve to begin again with the kids. I will be waiting to hear how that goes, what creative approach you try. Then... the Santa thing. So bittersweet, your own kids growing up. I daren't write much about that (many feelings) except to say I treasure my now-grown children and am enjoying my little grandchildren exponentially more than I dreamed! The magic and wonder are multiplied. And then the DOG... oh, your sweet description of him with his ear flipped over. How long you waited for this joy... this I know to my core. Dogs are heaven-sent comforters, reminders of unconditional love. I believe they have souls. It's there in their eyes. I cannot stay sad or unhappy when holding my dog... such a poignant post all the way. You had MUCH to say and we needed to be reminded we are not alone in life's battles. Thank you for this <3
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Jessica Carey
12/7/2021 05:56:37 pm
Your writing brought a lot of emotions for me today. My nephew turned 13 this year too. Your sister is brave. You are too.
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I enjoyed how your piece progresses from a reluctant narrator to a more willing, eager story teller at the end. This progression demonstrates that writing about these various happenings and histories in your life brings meaning and healing to you. Thank you for sharing these meaningful things with us.
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AuthorKathleen Neagle Sokolowski Archives
February 2024
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