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Hiding in the corner of my classroom, after the words "LOCKDOWN-LOCKDOWN-LOCKDOWN", my students look to me. The unannounced drill is most likely a drill, but there is a little piece of me, petrified, that worries what if it isn't? 26 third graders look to me to keep them safe, to reassure them that all is well. I smile and pray that this is just another practice.
And, for now, it's all been practice. Now, another threat- the Corona Virus. I need to reassure all my students that they are safe and all is well, but inside, I am worried. I see what has happened in China and Italy and I worry about all of us. Will we be okay? What if someone in my family gets sick? What if I get sick? What if we all get sick? Tonight I needed to go to CVS. The parking lot felt eerily empty. Passing a stranger on the sidewalk, her face like stone, I was immediately brought back to 9/11 and the way everyone looked just shell-shocked. The way no one knew anything but something beyond thinkable had occurred. We were all unsure of what was previously so normal and routine. Teachers have to be calm and reassuring when everything is falling apart around us. When students are crouched in a corner and we don't know if there is a person with a gun outside our door, we smile and motion for them to be quiet because that's the only prayer any of us have for survival. When a virus that we don't really understand threatens to sicken our communities, we smile and remind them to wash their hand and cover their mouths.
10 Comments
3/12/2020 02:43:39 am
This line: "The parking lot felt eerily empty. Passing a stranger on the sidewalk, her face like stone, I was immediately brought back to 9/11..." Your writing so captures the angst, the uncertainty, the fear we are all feeling. It's interesting you raise the comparison with 9/11, as I have felt that similarity but not voiced it. I guess we just do our best to protect these children and ourselves.
Sherri Spelic
3/12/2020 02:51:38 am
Reading this slice gave me a chill. The levels of threat are stunning - and our students are processing these on the daily. How we maintain our composure in the face of these can be a source of reassurance but I agree with you that it is tough, given the uncertainty. The last paragraph perfectly captures the way we have been trained to keep our students in safe harbors as much as possible, especially when the threat is so much larger than anything we can actually control. 3/12/2020 02:55:23 am
Strange times ... I find myself reassuring my students each day, particularly as one student who spends his nights scanning news sites (and weather, when winter storms are brewing) and announces what he knows each morning. I don't want to stifle him but I do want to assure the others. Balancing acts ... you want them to have information and not panic, either. 3/12/2020 02:56:28 am
We are called to be so much for these kids we love, in this case I hope it's calmness and security that comes through for my third-graders. Thanks for a post that offers company on this ride...
Fran Haley
3/12/2020 02:58:17 am
I, too, was thinking about the effects of the times on children ... your comparison to the "shell-shocked" days following 9/11 is masterful. Grappling with disbelief. We must be ever-mindful of the children, ever vigilant about their safety, and that means psychologically as well as physically. It is an increasingly difficult challenge. Well-said, Kathleen. 3/12/2020 04:33:27 am
I wrote about this today, our school closed yesterday and our teachers remained rock stars. I was so proud. We will see so much good in these moments that are scary and uncertain. We will show kids how to proceed. Keep smiling. ❤️
Shelly
3/12/2020 02:42:31 pm
Instinct does kick in during all the moments you described. Keeping our students safe and calm is priority no matter how we are feeling inside. Hope you stay safe and heathy during this time of uncertainty. 3/12/2020 07:37:21 pm
You capture perfectly the world of a teacher in uncertain times. I remember so well the person who told me that when 9/11 happened, he just had to hide away in his house to figure things out. I had to walk into my classroom and reassure all those scared little humans...inform them without terrifying them. But I love that role--maybe it reassures me when there is nothing reassuring to hold onto. Thanks for your words... 3/12/2020 09:02:07 pm
Such powerful writing! Your last paragraph is wonderful and captures it all so well. You pick the best topics, Kathy, and you explore them in such a human, thoughtful way. When I went panic food shopping today, there was this shared sense of anxiety and panic, similar to 911, as you mentioned. I talked to a few strangers and you could sense this communal fear gripping us all. Leave a Reply. |
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