"I'm down another pound!" my sister texts on a Tuesday morning. Without fail, every week, she loses weight. Whether or not she goes out for drinks or dinner, she steadily loses. I've secretly thought that she must have a Weight Loss Fairy who makes her pounds melt away. I've also thought that her body just wishes itself to be thin and makes. it. happen.
My body, on the other hand, clings on very tightly to every last fat cell. It hunkers down and holds tight to each fleshy pound. One bite of dessert causes the body to rejoice that the fat can stay right where it is- "No need to move out boys! She's eating the cheesecake!" I jest...but I have been working very hard to lose weight. I have lost some and look and feel better. But I have more to go and it is just ever so slowly happening. I was thinking that my fat might need me to thank it for its service (hat tip to Marie Kondo) and let it know that it is no longer needed here. Like a person about to cross over to new life, just waiting for family to say, "It's okay, you can go".....I think my fat might need my blessing to move on. It's really worth a shot. So here goes: Dear Fat, You and I have been with each other for quite some time. As far back as my second birthday, when I am in a bathing suit and a crown, holding a fork to a slice of chocolate cake. You were there with me through it all. Through elementary school years, keeping me company as I played school and barbies and avoided physical activities. You took a little vacation through most of my high school years but came back to find me in college and when I got my first teaching job. How we enjoyed those bowls of popcorn on a Friday night after a long week! I wasn't so glad you were around when I was measured for a bridesmaid's dress and had to order a plus size and pay extra for the honor. After that humiliation, you took another sabbatical as I lost weight. You found me again, of course, in my dating years and though you left while I was engaged, you came right back to me after the wedding (on the honeymoon!). You stayed through my pregnancies and the kids' toddler years and you've been a part of my identity for most of my 30's, and of course, most of my life. Fat, did you know that I am turning 40 on Saturday? A new decade and a new era will be ushered in. Your services will no longer be required. I do thank you for what you brought to my life. You taught me resilience when people called me names because of you. You taught me that being unkind about a person's appearance is never necessary and I learned to be more forgiving of physical flaws. You protected me from things I felt scared to do sometimes. You helped me not to be too superficial and to look for what's on the inside of a person. But, you have held me back too. I remember the time Megan sprinted up the hill and I was scared she would roll down into traffic. I couldn't trudge up the hill to get her with any speed at all. I had to shout to the teenagers up there to catch her. You held me back from climbing that mini-mountain and others. As I start the next decade of my life, I wish to be my best self. The self that feels confident, stylish, attractive, tailored. Neat. Fit. I want to walk into stores and pick any outfit and know I will look good in it. I think I deserve to feel that way. I think it's my time. So I will do my part. I will drink more water. I will eat more vegetables. I will set my alarm at 5:00 am and exercise. I will make my overnight oats. I will turn down cocktails I want to drink and eat less than I want to eat most of the time. I will be healthy and strong. And you? Well you can feel free to leave now. I don't need you anymore. I will face fears and do what makes me uncomfortable. I don't need to hide or be a less vibrant version of myself. My birthday wish is for you to know that you are free to go. I release you from my life. In other words, scram. Love, Kathleen
12 Comments
6/25/2019 03:00:48 am
Great letter and hopeful wishes on the results.
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6/25/2019 07:24:51 am
Kathleen, not sure whether to laugh or cry at your very clever and heartfelt letter. Like you, I have struggled with weight most of my life, or at least since college. It doesn't help that both of my sisters are size two and very athletic! Two years ago, I joined Weightwatchers, for probably the tenth time, and actually made it to lifetime. I've discovered, however, that it is just as hard to stay there as it was to get there! Best of luck to you! Feel free to email me if you want to commiserate!
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6/25/2019 03:30:09 am
This is brilliant! It's a slice within a slice within a slice! The power of the letter, Dear Fat, is mighty. You wove your near and far past and long held feelings into each paragraph making me want to hug you! In the end, I feel nothing but pride for you and your willingness to embrace the work of being healthy, strong, and simply feeling good! You are brave and strong, Kathleen and I admire you! Thanks for sharing!
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Michelle Nero
6/25/2019 05:46:17 am
Oh, I think so many of us can relate! But I love the letter and the idea of simply letting it go. Or, in other words, scram! Losing weight is never easy. I've hit some sort of plateau, but I'm working out 3-4 a week in addition to walking our dog and I feel better, stronger, and a role model for my girls. That's what I'm focusing on. I'm not worried about size or shape or extra fat cells. I just want to enjoy this life and with a tasty dessert every once in a while too! :) You got this, Kathleen! Focus on you feeling the best you can!
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Sally
6/25/2019 07:01:14 am
You are a very humorous writer. Laughed at this dialogue: "No need to move out boys! She's eating the cheesecake!"
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Erika Victor
6/25/2019 02:14:27 pm
Oh, Kathleen, so many of us can relate to this letter. Fat has been in my life almost always too. I appreciated your sense of humor and directness. The struggle is real (and hard).
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Melanie Meehan
6/25/2019 04:38:00 pm
Could you write a letter to the midriff that has come and won't leave now that I've turned 50? Only maybe leave out the part about the cocktails. I don't want to give those up.
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6/25/2019 06:28:37 pm
I really hope this works! I was eating chocolate tonight thinking about how snacking is why I can’t lose weight. :) It’s so frustrating and your post really captures that.
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