There was traffic on the Belt Parkway and we got to the Aqueduct a couple of minutes after 8:00, my vaccine appointment time for dose 2. Thankfully, it didn't matter I was late. No lines this time- my mom and I walked right in. We showed our license and our paperwork, rode the escalator up and walked right to the spot where we were directed to a table to get our vaccine.
It was all so quick. My mom went first and I followed 2 minutes later. With efficiency and not much talk, our shots were done and we sat in the seats for our 15 minutes. And now, hours later, we wait for any side effects. Friends and family we know have had varying responses to dose 2- some have had fever, some just fatigue, others felt fine. I've been tired today, but it's also the first chance I've had to rest in weeks. I'm so glad to be vaccinated. A step towards normal life again.
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"I have good news and bad news," she tells me as I take her hand in the rain. It's pick-up time at the Wantagh Elementary. Canadian geese don't seem to care that a sea of parents are waiting for their children. The ground is soggy and goose poop abounds. I look for my son, who comes out a different door, as she tells me the bad news.
I can't remember now if the good news or the bad news was that, instead of a Zoom religion class, Megan had to go to the church today. She is making her communion next month and religion classes have been on Zoom all year. I completely forgot that she was supposed to go to the church today. I'm not sure if I ever knew she was. But we regrouped and I took her to church. When we got there, the director asked me if I had her communion banner to hand in. I completely forgot it was due today (do you see a theme here? Completely forgetting everything). I drove home to get her communion banner to hand in, and all was well. But lately I've been forgetting things and it bothers me. Today I forgot my class had a bus drill. The other day I forgot we had a professional development hour after work. Besides the forgetting, my house feels like a disaster with things in the wrong spots and laundry exploding out of baskets. I have no clean socks to wear. Monday was Megan's birthday, Tuesday I spent all afternoon/ night stapling gift certificates to PARP certificates and organizing them by grade level and teacher for my children's school. Wednesday (yesterday?) was St Patrick's Day and leprechaun magic. All of this while being a full time 3rd grade teacher during a global pandemic, trying to run a household and do mom things like cook dinner and read bedtime stories..... I'm just on overload. So tired tonight. Today I was lucky that the puppy threw up the piece of chocolate left by the leprechaun and didn't get otherwise sick. (Whew!)
Today I was lucky that the teacher's aides in my building woke up early to get Irish Soda Bread, sliced it and packaged it for everyone for a "grab and go" breakfast celebration, Covid-stye. It was nice to have something celebratory at work again. Today I was lucky that my student gave me a basket with candy and a stuffed animal she named "Brightbill" from The Wild Robot book. It was such a sweet surprise from a kind and thoughtful student. Today I was lucky that my friend's nephew doesn't need chemotherapy or radiation and his cancerous tumor was stage 1 and contained. He should be fine with no further issue. A huge piece of happy news for their family. I feel lucky to get my second vaccine on Friday. I feel lucky to get The Responsive Writing Teacher in the mail today- it looks like a treasure! Congrats to Melanie Meehan and Kelsey Sorum. I am lucky to know you. Hope you got lucky today too (wink, wink). The light from the hall filled the room enough for me to see my daughter Megan's arms wrapped around her Christmas elves, Smiling Max and Olivia Jingles. The elves had returned from the North Pole (AKA a bag in my closet) for Megan's birthday, a tradition we started a few years ago. The elves come back for a day to celebrate the birthday and then return to the North Pole.
Megan asked to sleep with them, saying they would be able to get back to the North Pole even if she held onto them. In other years, we had to wrap glow sticks around them so they could "power up" to get back to the North Pole. That particular tradition seems to have drifted. But that left me trying to extricate the elves from Megan's grasp without waking her. Gently and slowly, I freed one elf and then the other. But where was Smiling Max's hat? I couldn't see it and had no time to find it. I cut my losses on Max's hat and returned to my room. Reaching high onto my closet sh elf, I found the plastic bag where Max and Olivia will remain until Alex's birthday in October. Now tonight I have to create some type of leprechaun magic.. I bought gold chocolate coins a while back but need to dig through my drawer to find them. Moms make the magic. What would it be like to order a milkshake without any thought to calories, fat, sugar, and weight gain?
What would it be like to look at a menu and pick exactly what looks amazing to you without thought of health or weight or the consequences? Today we went to lunch to celebrate Megan's 8th birthday. The Burger Barn is known for awesome milkshakes and both Alex and Megan had one with lunch. Each came with a giant, thick delicious looking cookie. Of course I didn't have one. But in another life.....I would look at the milkshake menu and pick something big and fabulous. I wouldn't worry at all. I would enjoy it and feel not a shred of guilt. Do you pick what you want off the menu or do you think about what is the best choice for your health? Do those two collide for you? Or are you like me, always wishing you could have the burger and fries and milkshake too? Tomorrow, Megan turns 8 years old.
8 is TikTok dances and snuggles too. 8 is reading by herself but wanting to be read to. 8 is a new bike and no training wheels. 8 is art supplies and a mat to practice gymanstics moves. 8 is a sassy attitude but a kind heart. 8 is missing teeth. 8 is seriously a big kid. How the years have flown. How she's gone from an infant to a baby to a toddler to a preschooler to now a second grader. In 8 more years, she will be Sweet 16. How these first 8 years have flown. How grateful I am for them all. Happy (almost) Birthday to the one and only Megan! When you have a child's birthday to prepare for, report cards to work on, certificates to fill out for a committee you were part of and a house to completely clean, it makes complete sense to say, "Let's try out a new recipe first thing in the morning!" Everything else can wait because I've been seeing so much of #cloudbread on social media. Cloud bread is made of egg whites and becomes this huge delicious looking loaf of bread. I set out to make it.
Some cloud breads are colored to make it seem more magical and fun, soI added some blue and red food coloring to my egg whites and corn starch and sugar. I didn't have a hand held mixer so I thought maybe my immersion blender would do the trick. The key is for the egg whites to be stiff and have peaks. So, mine totally didn't after several minutes of mixing. I figured, let's bake it and see what happens anyway? Halfway through, it was still a puddle of grayish purple slime. Not at all cloud bread like. A total fail. I switched gears to make bagels out of greek yogurt and flour. I have done this before and they come out pretty good. Again, ion a busy weekend, maybe I could have (should have?) poured a bowl of cereal and called it a day, but the heart wants what the heart wants. (Stomach too). Bon appetite! Almost a year ago to this day, life changed in every way.
Friday the 13th was my last teaching day (in-person) in the 19-20 school year, the last time my students and I would be in the same space together. Of course we didn't know it. I remember feeling grouchy that day and stressed out about all that I had to do. A few days later, there seemed to be nothing to do. Stay at home and flatten the curve for two weeks, then go back to normal. Except, of course, that was ridiculous to think would be the case. It's a year later and I have a new sense of gratitude for so many things: -Being at work and greeting people each morning -Getting dressed and getting out -Being in my classroom with all my books and teaching materials -Being with children every day, in person and not through a screen -being able to shop at the grocery store without fear -seeing extended family (cautiously) -going to doctor's appointments -getting my hair done -my children having a routine and schedule again with friends and teachers Last year, I never imagined life could stop like it did. I am quite fortunate to have stayed healthy and that my loved ones also did not get COVID-19. I'me one vaccine in and I'm hopeful that, in time, things will brighten. But today I remember what was taken and celebrate all that has returned, even if it returned in a new form than before. "Can we take Teddy for a walk around the block?" my son asked.
I had just come home from a long day of teaching and three errands after work. Miles to go before I sleep, as the poem goes. Dinner to cook, work to do.... "Sure," I said. As we neared the turn back to our house, my son said, "I wish we could go another block but I know you are really busy" "We can," I said and so we walked another few blocks with our puppy. We chatted, we laughed, we hurried Teddy along as he marked every tree, fire hydrant and pole. Out of a long day with many to-do's, I am so glad we took the walk. I am glad I said yes. I've always been a sucker for gold stars. Awards and achievements have been my thing. Maybe being the younger sister of a high-achieving sibling- I've always felt the ambition to try to be as good as my sister. Growing up, that meant studying hard, taking honors classes, putting in a lot of effort in clubs and activities. While I wasn't as smart as my sister, I worked super hard so I came close to matching some of her achievements before making my own path and earning my own type of awards.
Throughout elementary school, high school and college, I earned honors and awards to be proud of. But it has been 20 years (gasp) since I graduated college and the awards and achievements are just not forthcoming for a middle aged mom/teacher. In 2016, I did receive a beautiful award from NYSEC (New York State English Council) for elementary teachers and I hold that so dear. But aside from that, there have been no awards. No gold stars. This year, especially, I find myself watching others get recognition. A colleague was just named Teacher of the Week by a local newspaper. Another colleague, quite new to the profession but absolutely awesome, has parents writing her gorgeous letters about the different she makes in the classroom. Friends are getting books published. And I feel like somewhere along the way, I lost my ability to get gold stars and fell off the achievement track. Awards and achievements make you stand out and proclaim you are someone noteworthy. Without this recognition, I fear I am not anyone special in the outside world. Today I thought to myself, maybe this is my season to learn to fully applaud others. To cheer on and support those who are moving the mountains. I am proud of all my friends and colleagues. Maybe it's my season to cheer in the stands and not be the player in the game. I also think to myself, that while I am not anyone special in my field, I am special to my family and to my students, too. In the day to day life, I make a difference for them. There aren't any gold stars for doing laundry or making dinner or reading to your kids at night. I am not earning any special awards for the day to day life I lead. This is hard for a gold star junkie to accept. But maybe it's my season to accept that just being alive is award enough. |
AuthorKathleen Neagle Sokolowski Archives
February 2024
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