nWhen I was a new teacher in my early 20's, I worked around the clock. I would get to my school early in the morning, at least an hour before the 8:20 bell rang to start the day. Usually more like 6:45 I would arrive at the building. I would stay until after 5- sometimes closer to 6 pm. You would think with all this time at the building, I would be completely caught up and organized, but alas I never, ever felt caught up. I would bring work home, too.
I remember a teacher saying to me, "You know, there is no prize for the person who stays the longest." It felt kind of snarky to me at the time, I think she wanted me to see that I wasn't impressing anyone by putting so much physical time in at work. I truly wasn't trying to impress anyone. I was trying to keep my head above water. I couldn't understand how everyone else left so early and still got everything done. Now I know they weren't getting everything done either. There is no way to get it all done. You can literally work every hour of the day as a teacher and you would still find more that you should do, more that you could do. I used to set my alarm for 2am. Seriously. I had a three year old son and a year old daughter and I was in a new grade level. I couldn't stay late at work the way I used to or arrive as early. When I got home from work, I had mom jobs to do and couldn't open my work bag. I was exhausted by the time the kids feel asleep and would fall asleep then too. So, I realized, I could get up in the middle of the night and work for a few hours, then go back to sleep an hour or two before the day started. I did it for many months. I stopped when I wrote "Yikes!" on a student's math worksheet where she answered no questions correct in the minute sprint we did. Her mother was upset with my choice of words and called my principal. I had a caring, supportive relationship with the family all year but, in one moment, at 2am, I hurt that by writing a word I shouldn't have on a child's paper. Turns out you aren't your clearest at 2am. Nowadays? I have been teaching for 18 years. I still think I could work around the clock and have more I should do, more I could do. I arrive at work about 20 minutes before the kids come and many days I leave when I am contractually allowed at 3:15. While I bring work home, I just don't always get to it. (I often don't). I prioritize sleep because it is good for my physical and mental health. I am a better everything when I am rested- better mom, better teacher, better person. I've been working on better health- exercising, eating well, taking at least a little time for myself each day. This means that bulletin boards aren't as updated. It means phone calls get pushed off until the next day. It means sometimes the students wait another day before receiving a test score. Self care isn't bubble baths and candles. It is knowing you are a person who has important needs that deserve to be met, regardless of a job that continues to pile more and more on your back and expect you to somehow make miracles happen. Self care is getting rest, getting movement, eating food that fuels you, breathing, reading, connecting with friends, spending quality time with your family, and knowing that you are replaceable at work (it's true) but not in your own life. How do you handle the demands of teaching while prioritizing your health?
11 Comments
Your slice made me think of me! I saw myself in your words. Ok, you were maybe a little more crazy than me (lol) but I thrived (I thought) on the treadmill. Today, I try to focus more on what the kids need from me. The actual people I am charged with caring for. And they don't need the bulletin boards and the cutting edge assignments and the over analyzed assessments. They need a teacher who takes the time to meet them where they are, to help them reach for the next bar and raise the level of what they can do. I enjoyed your post.
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Nitasha
3/7/2020 05:51:53 am
"Self care is getting rest, getting movement, eating food that fuels you, breathing, reading, connecting with friends, spending quality time with your family, and knowing that you are replaceable at work (it's true) but not in your own life. " This is the truth. Its a lesson thats taken me decades to learn- thank you for prioritising what is most important- you!
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3/7/2020 06:22:27 am
This - " Self care is getting rest, getting movement, eating food that fuels you, breathing, reading, connecting with friends, spending quality time with your family, and knowing that you are replaceable at work (it's true) but not in your own life. "
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Lorraine
3/7/2020 06:22:59 am
Your comment about being replaceable at work, but not in your own life is really powerful. It is so challenging to apply the discipline put forth at work to your own self-care. I'm working on this too : )
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3/7/2020 06:57:32 am
This is such a well-written, reflective slice. We have all been there and need to hear this. Thank you for sharing your experience.
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3/7/2020 07:02:29 am
So much in this post ... I cannot find the words. Teachers have too much on their plates. They don't rest - not sleep but rest. We are replaceable as teachers - I love how you point that out. The job needs to be doable. We need to prioritize what is essential and understand there is human capacity when it comes to learning and change. 2:00 in the morning - that is so crazy and real and wrong. Thank you so much for this post - it is a must read.
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Self-care is actually one of my professional learning goals this year. I'm reading a couple of books on educator self care by Paul Murphy (Exhausted, and Leave School at School) and another by Tina Boogren. Funny thing is, the goal I had to complete those three books by December and blog about them hasn't happened...I'm too tired at the end of the day to do it. I have been leaving earlier more often, though, and sleeping a bit more.
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Eva Kaplan
3/7/2020 07:37:23 am
I can relate to this slice so much! For my 21 years of teaching, I've often been the last teacher to leave the building because I need to be prepared for the next day, not knowing what will interfere with that in the morning. I still brought home materials to read, lessons to plan and work to grade. I often wondered how my colleagues could leave at 3:30 and manage to be prepared the next day! I think switching grades has made me a better teacher, but contributed to the need to learn a new curriculum and spend time with preparation. I too work on that "self care" and try to get in workouts and eat healthy. I'm finding that what really matters is focusing my energy on enriching my students by really listening to them, caring about what they read and supporting them beyond the lesson plans! When you care, you can't help but be committed!
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3/7/2020 07:40:17 am
"Self care isn't bubble baths and candles." AMEN, SISTAH! I love that you are examining self-care and sustainability as a teacher, mom, wife, writer, etc. It's too bad it takes us 18-20 years to learn that lesson, and then another 18-20 to live that lesson. You inspire me with your honesty (sharing both joys and regrets), with your passion, with your curiosity for how to live a good life. I think there is an audience for your life lessons!
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3/7/2020 09:07:44 am
What Paula said. (She's very wise!) At times I think we've gone off the deep end with interpretations of self care. Setting limits can be self care, for sure. My habits have definitely changed. I used to work soooooo late and there was always more to do, as you said. I still go in early, and a full bag often goes on a return trip without being touched, but I feel that 20+ years into my teaching career I have a bit more perspective to bring to my game. Cheers!
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3/7/2020 01:49:57 pm
This! "you are replaceable at work (it's true) but not in your own life" This quote says it all. I could have written your post. This is my 26th year. I have come to realize that life is short and there is way more to it than teaching. I still do my job well (maybe even better) without spending every waking moment on it. Thank you for putting into words what so many of us experience!
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